2016 FMBL Draft
Well, the good news is we won’t have to go another season looking at Peyton Manning’s ever expanding forehead, the bad news is that we’re going to have to go through the NBA playoffs with ESPN comparing Steph Curry to Jordan every 35 seconds, ugh, I can hear Stephen A and Skip Bayless squealing at each other already.
Now it’s time to get to the real shit. Recently, the members of Failure Machine sat down and treated our close friends and colleagues with the same casual judgement we throw at professional athletes and celebrities. Kinda funny, right?
Before we dive into the matters of who values whom as an artist the most, here’s a brief run down of the rules.
- FM members can only draft from local bands or bands that we’ve played with on the road.
- You can’t draft any members you drafted last year.
- You get points when someone in your band does a cool thing (goes on tour, releases a good EP, buys a new guit) and you lose points when someone you drafted does a silly thing (plays two local shows in one month, starts a Gofundme, plays a drum kit with two rack toms)
1. Harry Mahony- Matt Canter (vocals/guitar for The Loose)
2. Zac Curtis- Cliff Porter (vocals/drums for Jelly Bread)
3. Clint Philbin- John White (vocals/guitar for The John Whites)
Editor’s Note: Michael Jordan was taken third overall too. Taking Johnny “Wipe Me Down” White hot off of “Beautiful Strangers” is a great pick.
4. Evan Tune- Holly Scala (guitar/BG vocals for BASHA)
5. Rachael McElhiney- Dan Weiss (drums for The Sextones)
6. Spencer Kilpatrick- Octavio Genera (vocals for The Soft White Sixties)
7. SK- Spencer York (drums for Hopeless Jack)
8. RM- Dave Berry (vocals/guitar for Jelly Bread)
Editor’s Note: Say what you want about how flat the guy’s jump shot is but he’s a helluva songwriter and is leading the funkiest band in Reno all over the damn country. Strong pick for the FMBL rookie.
9. ET- Jack Beisel (vocals/guit for Hopeless Jack)
10. CP- Aaron Chiazza (drums for Whatitdo. & The John Whites)
11. ZC- Jerry Joseph (vocals/guitar for Jerry Joseph and The Jackmormons)
12. HM- Frankie Salazar (vocals/guitar for FASIV)
13. HM- Ben Einstein (keys/BG vocals for Bear Lincoln)
Editor’s Note: You wanna talk consistency? Ben Einstein is the Eddie Lacy of the FMBL. Points. Period. Week in and week out–that’s what Einstein does.
14. ZC- Pete Barnato (vocals for Moondog Matinee)
15. CP- Ian Dewane (guitar/BG vocals for Rusty Maples)
Editor’s Note: Look, I took Blair with my first pick last year and made it pretty clear that I wanted a Dewane brother again this year. I figured he would fall to the fourth round. I was wrong. I’m not mad at myself… just disappointed. Good pick, Clint, you sly son of a bitch.
16. ET- Jordan Keach (bass for PostWar)
17. RM- Jesse Gaddis (bass for Rigorous Proof)
18. SK- Brandon Boedigheimer (bass for The Hoons)
19. SK- Spencer Hoffman (guitar/vocals for Honyock & drums for Silver Spoons)
20. RM- Whitney Myer (vocals for her damn self)
21. ET- Dylan Self (drums for Brumby)
22. CT- Ryan Noble (bass/BG vocals for The Soft White Sixties)
23. ZC- Sean Paulhus (vocals/bass for Hungry Skinny)
24. HM- Amber Scala (vocals/guitar for BASHA)
25. HM- Omar Mohsin (bass for The Letters Home)
26. ZC- Jef Derderian (Trumpet for The Pretty Unknown)
Editor’s Note: Great pick! I’m not entirely sure if you get points for having photogenic people in your band but if you do, Zac just got all of them.
27. CT- Andrew Gleason (guitar/vocals for Young Creatures)
28. ET- Chris Sexton (Keys for Bazooka Zoo & Redfield Clipper Band)
Editor’s Note: I’m 98% sure this is the right Sexton.
29. RM- Megan Moore (Vocals for Megan Moore and The Franchise)
30. SK- Kristias Trujillo (Percussion for Drinking With Clowns)
31. SK- Tony Contini (band photographer)
Editor’s Note: This beer drinkin’, camera slingin’ sumbitch is going to make my band look better than every other band regardless of whether or not it actually is.
32. RM- Brynna Dean (vocals for 100 Watt Mind)
33. ET- Alex Korostinsky (bass for The Sextones, lo-fi producer extraordinaire)
Editor’s Note: Veteran move by Evan Tune stealing Korostinsky in the last round and using him for his prowess as a recording engineer. Wish I’d thought of that.
34. CP- Scott Bauer (Stone Forest)
35. ZC- Brendan Scholz (vocals/guitar for Mercy Music)
36. HM- Caleb Dunkle- (drums for Joan and The Rivers)
*****We have our first FMBL trade. Spencer has traded Brandon Boedigheimer to Zac for Brendan Scholz.*****
–Big Trouble in Little Caesars–
Matt Canter- vocals and guitar
Frankie Salazar- guitar
Ben Einstein- keys
Amber Scala- guitar
Omar Mohsin- bass
Caleb Dunkle- drums
Cliff Porter- vocals and drums
Jerry Joseph- guitar
Pete Barnato- keys and backing vocals
Sean Paulhus- bass
Jef Derderian- trumpet and being handsome
Brandon Boedigheimer- bass
John White- vocals and guitar
Aaron Chiazza- drums
Ian Dewane- guitar
Ryan Noble- bass
Andrew Gleason- guitar
Scott Bauer- ???
–Lil Hard Dad–
Holly Scala- guitar
Jack Beisel- vocals and guitar
Jordan Keach- bass
Dylan Self- drums
Chris Sexton- keys
Alex Korostinsky- producer
–The Female Mailmen–
Dan Weiss- drums
Dave Berry- guitar and vocals
Jesse Gaddis- bass
Whitney Myer- vocals
Megan Moore- vocals
Brynna Dean- vocals
–The Soft White Spencers–
Octavio Genera- vocals and tambourine
Spencer York- drums
Brendan Scholz- guitar
Spencer Hoffman- bass
Kristias Trujillo- percussion
Tony Contini- photographer/videographer
And we’re off….