gimme yo’ shirt

Getting shirts made is a big step for a band. In a way, it solidifies a band’s band-dom/bandiness, and in a world where CDs are, day by day, retaining the functionality of coasters, a little tangibility goes a long way. When a band has shirts it means that at one point in time a group of people were so proud of what they accomplished musically that they thought “I bet someone would be into wearing us on their chest.” And why wouldn’t someone want to wear a band’s name on their chest?* After all, most bands are cool. In fact, some bands are even just a group of friends that happen to be a lot cooler than you and your stupid group of friends. That’s why I try to wear their shirts as often as possible, because bands are cool, and I so desperately want to be cool as well.

A lot goes into making a cool shirt: the color, the fit, the design etc. But the most important ingredient that goes into a great band shirt is not having a shitty band. I’ve worn plenty of hideous shirts because the band was rad and I wanted people to ask me about the shirt so I could tell them about bands that I like. Sadly enough, this usually leads to me gushing on and on about local bands for 15-20 minutes thus losing all cool points that I had once earned by wearing the shirt in the first place. Fuck it, bands are cool, buy their stuff.

Shirt key:
Joan and The Rivers: They get about 1,000 design points for incorporating Hungry Hungry Hippos into their logo. And about 1,000 more because there is definitely a copyright infringement somewhere in that bad boy. Joan and the Rivers is a rock band from San Jose. Pizza. FM and JATR are putting out a split EP. ┬áCheck out Chupacabra. Clint’s JATR song pick- wottrieler

Naked For Safety: 992 rock n roll points for not putting their band name anywhere on the shirt. 1,400 more for choosing a shark as their logo. 121 more for renaming it a jammerhead shark and correcting anyone who says otherwise. Naked For Safety is my favorite local band with my favorite local guitarist, Sam “The Luscious Lefty” Turman. Things they do: 1.Get people to dance 2.Be handsome 3.Scream into their mics 4.Cover Wu-Tang. Things they don’t do: 1.Give a fuck.
feast your ears- that Naked For Safety soundcloud butt

Rigorous Proof: I traded a Big Bad shirt to their keyboardist for one of these. They get 666 conspiracy points for the Illuminati looking deal. 300 more for being cool guys. Way rad shirt, I wear it all the time. I don’t know if they’re still a band, last I heard one of their main guys moved to LA but every once in a while I hear of them playing with the DeFABulators. What’s the scoop? Text me- (775) 316-TURD

Jelly Bread: Jelly Bread is so good that it’s not fair. That’s why they get 0 points. Sorry guys. Cliff Porter is simultaneously the baddest singer and baddest drummer I’ve ever heard live. Nasty. Dave Berry is the blue eyed soul of the group AND he’s tasteful in what he plays, his guit playing keeps the whole group together. Eric Matlock is RELENTLESSLY funky… They just got a new bass player and I heard him for the first time this morning on Good Day Sacramento, he sounds great. I probably wear this shirt too often judging by the pit stains, food stains and holes. I need to re-up.

Aisle 6: My poop band from high school.

Pelvis Wrestlies: Currently wearing this shirt. Have been since I got it a week ago, I only took it off to take the picture. Fast, fun punk rock that invades your brain. Clark Demeritt is the man and doesn’t get enough credit for what he does for the scene in Reno. 1,003 food points for the inclusion of a cheeseburger in the skeleton’s hand and 342 more for a candy bar or burrito in the other. Go buy their shirts, and their new 7″ Make Up Face because it’s good for you. My PW song pick- Magic Carpet Ride.

Otis Heat: Otis Heat is amazing, their shirt is made out of nice material. However, they get -39 points because I emailed them once and they never emailed me back. I’m a baby.

The Big Bad: My poop band from college.

Shirt wish list:
The Dirty Nil
Moondog Matinee
Rusty Maples
The Ballantynes
The Kanes

Lost Shirt List (if found, please call 775-316-TURD):
Weapons of Mass Creation
Knowledge Lives Forever
Oak Creek Band

Are you in a band and want to give me a shirt so that I can give it an arbitrary amount of points based on things that have absolutely nothing to do with the sound of the band that you’ve worked so hard to create? I think I can abide by that.


*Because they’re a communist

QSSST 2014 pt. II

This time it’s all about Bend, Seattle, Portland and Wyatt’s Mom’s house. Or in other words: snow, rain, rain, and Toby.

When we first started QSSST, the only thing we could think about was how sick we were of ‘ain’t havin’ no water’. My mind changed shortly after when we embarked on QSSST 2014 pt. II, and subsequently traveled through every Mountainous Slime Storm Surprise Torrent on the west coast. Now we swear this has been the wettest drought in all of mankind’s sopping, cold, thoroughly soaked, rained on existence. We’re thinking about changing the name of this tour to MSSST 2014.

Spencer and Clint with Joan and the Rivers

But for now, we’re warm and dry, and things are wringing out all right.


Quad-State Soda Slam Tour goings on and preparation

Zak's bike - not just a bike.

Zak’s bike (and crotch) in Sacramento

I am at Amy and Katie’s house, sitting in the kitchen. I’m thinking about a burrito. Spencer is at Jelly Donut, downtown. In four days we leave to have dinner with Amanda and Janet in Roseville. There, we rest and digest for the night before driving to San Francisco where we perform the first act on the first leg of QSSST 2014.

Surprisingly little preparation for this type of travel is necessary. We’re packing lunch, jumper cables, and a frisbee.

We’ll see you in THE BAY,


Failure Machine – EP

Welcome to… Failure Machine’s very own place on the WORLD. WIDE. WEB!

It smells like pie.


Visit for exclusive tid bits and updates. Be sure to check out our most recent and lastest release, Failure Machine – EP. We like it a lot, and we’re also very proud of it. Come for the special news, stay for the soda.